Broken Memories
by Spelled Out Your Name
Summary: Cassie is desperately in love with her Bipolar girlfriend, Helena. But Helena is a cruel, heartless person. Intense F/F sex and brutal violence. More chapters to come later.
1. Broken Memories

Broken Memories

I walked down the stairs slowly, cautiously. The fight last night was intense and evident in the kitchen. Broken glassware scattered the floor. The chairs were on their side and the table was overturned. The salt and pepper shakers had fallen and burst open. Blood patterned the tile. My blood. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"You mean nothing!" were her words to me. "You are probably better off dead. Get out of my sight!" CRASH! She threw a dish at my head. But her aim was off and she missed.

"But Helena, I love you!" I had shouted, dodging forks, knives and glasses.

"LIAR!" she screamed. That's when she flipped over the table. Hours earlier we were having rough, steamy sex.

"Faster!" I moaned. She was putting her long, icy fingers inside me. Her fingers were freezing which felt remarkable against my warm walls.

"You are so naughty," she said. She reached down and pulled out a ball gag from under the bed. "You deserve to be punished."

I got on the floor on my knees. She placed the thing in my mouth and picked a blindfold off of the floor and tied that around my eyes slowly. I heard her move across the room to get something. I remained motionless on my knees. The carpet was cushion under my waiting body. Then I felt a sharp sting across my back. I winced but didn't utter a sound.

A whip.

I winced but did not utter a sound. It cracked when she hit me with it a second time. I moaned, my tongue ran across the ball gag.

"You have been very," another hit, "very bad." She repeatedly hit me across the back then moved to my ass. She hit it constantly. I let out a whimper. Wrong move. I knew she would get violent quickly and not in the fun, sexual way.

"What was that? Did you actually have the balls to utter a noise?" I held my breath waiting for another blow to the back. "Get on the bed," she ordered, taking off my blindfold for me. She kept the gag in my mouth. I did as I was told.

Helena disappeared from the room for a while. I rubbed my back. Welts had formed and I shuddered as my fingers ran over the swelled, raised skin.

Helena came back shortly with a little white bowl. "Lay on your back flatly." She approached me with the bowl. She tilted it and out came waxy liquids onto my chest and stomach. It was burning hot candle wax. I screamed with pleasure behind the gag. She went from my chest, to my stomach, then on my labia. It ran down my legs. Helena shook her head and threw the bowl at the wall. It shattered and the pieces got tangled in the carpet like a fish caught in a net.

She jumped on top of me and ripped the ball from my mouth. She shoved her tongue between my lips and chewed on mine. I pulled away for air but she thought that I didn't want to return the kiss. She screamed in anger and struck me hard across the face. When I turned my head to look at her, her eyes…there was fire in them!

"Helena, I—"

"NO!" she screamed. She grabbed my hair, pulled my head up and slammed it back down. She rose from the bed and bolted down the stairs so fast I felt the whoosh of air that she left behind.

When I followed her, I saw that she was at the table crying. I knew this would happen. She always gets very abusive but I never say anything. I don't want to lose her.

When I walked over closer to her shaking frame, she poised a glass over her head, threatening with her eyes to throw it.

"Helena, please, not tonight," I begged.

"What the hell did I do, Cassie?" She threw the glass and it shattered in deafening shards against the wall.

"Nothing!" I screech.

"You mean nothing! You are probably better off dead! Get out of my goddamn sight!" Crash. She threw that dish at my head. But her aim was off and she missed.

"But Helena, I love you!" I shouted, dodging forks and knives that were aimed at my head.

"LIAR!" she screamed. She flipped over the table. She opened cabinets, pulling out dishes and glasses. She pegged them at me. A knife slit my arm and some glass cut my stomach. I started pouring out blood. I rushed over to her trying to calm her down. My blood covered her. I tried stroking her bare skin and licking her crevices.

"Get off!" She pushed me down and pieces of glass got stuck in my back. She ran up the stairs and into our bedroom. I lay there watching as my blood made rivers across the tile. I staggered to get up the stairs and into the bathroom. I cleaned myself and went into the bedroom. Helena was sleeping. I climbed into bed with her.

She rolled over and held me close. "I love you," she breathed in my ear.

"I love you too." Tears filled my eyes as I fell asleep.


	2. The Song of an Unhappy Heart

"Say it louder!" Helena whips my stomach once more, harder this time.

"You're the best!" I half screeched, half moaned.

"At what?" she asks, pulling my hair, yanking my head backwards so my eyes look into hers. "Say it loud."

"Sex!" I scream at her. She throws my head forward and I fall back on my hands and knees like before. I had cleaned up all of the glass and blood that was in the kitchen from the night before this morning. Helena was shocked to see everything. She was even more surprised to see my cuts.

"Who did this to you?!" She rushed down the stairs and took my bruised and battered naked body in her arms.

You did, I thought. But instead I answered, "I'm fine. I fell at work...I mean I fell down the stairs this morning." The first lie was too obvious. I haven't been to work in days. Helena never remembers our arguments and how she hurts me. Badly.

She tilted her head and knitted her eyebrows together, studying my bare frame. "Cassie, please tell me what happened." She actually looked worried for once.

I shook my head. "Nothing. Now are you going to dominate me or what?"

Her face lit up. "Lets go then." We were already naked so she grabbed my arm as dragged me up the stairs. She pushed me backwards onto the bed. She lay on top of me, kissing me hard.

I love her sloppy wet kisses though. There was always something about them that I loved.

She moved down to my right breast. She put the whole thing in her mouth. She must be extra horny today. I remember to moan, if I didn't, she would get pissed and then we'd have a repeat of last night.

"Cassie, Cassie, Cassie." She shakes her head. She viciously shoves two fingers inside me. She hooks them and pulls.

"Oh yes!" I yell. It feels marvelous. Her long brown hair swings back and forth. She jams in a third finger and goes in deeper. She hooks her fingers and pulls. Her short nails graze my walls.

She laughs wickedly. I moan and clench the sheets as the final orgasm arrives. I get up and push her.

She falls backwards and off the bed. I stand at the foot at the bed and jump. I land on top of her and she lets out a grunt.

I violently shove four fingers inside of her.

"Aaahhh!" she screams with delight. I grunt as I go in further. I wiggle my fingers around, vastly exploring her beautiful cunt.

She moans and tilts her head back, covering her face with her hands.

"You like that bitch?" I ask her. I move my fingers in and out with quickening speed. I lean forward and bite her already hard nipple.

"Fuck!" she screams as her climax arrives fresh. She grabs my head and held it down to her pussy. "Eat!"

I chuckle and chew on her swollen button. My tongue dances around it. I want to see how far my tongue can go inside her. I start at her wet slit, then I try to go deeper. It doesn't really work but Helena still loves it.

"You are so bad!" she says. She sits up and pushes me. I land hard on my back. She sits in me, leans forward and rests her head on my shoulder.

"I love you," she coos in my ear then thrusts her hips forward and back, forward and back.

She starts to do it faster, our clots rubbing against each other. I breathe hard into her hair and she moans into my shoulder. I bite her ear while she screams. Still humping me, she takes her hand and squeezes my right breast.

"Ooooh yes!" I bite her shoulder hard.

"Cassie!" she tells into my neck. When we both reach the pinnacle of our sexual highs at the same time, Helena rolls over and runs her fingers along my clit. She licks the cum off and sighs. He chest rises and falls quickly. I watch her hard nipples as I reach over and pinch one.

"Mmm," she says. Then she giggles and kisses my hand. She holds it and rubs smooths circles on the back of it with her thumb.

I did everything I could to keep her happy. One wrong move and there will be blood and broken items. I know I should leave her but then she'll have no one to take care of her; no one to be her sex slave.

"Tell me you love me," she murmurs, turning towards me and propping her head in her hand. I'm distracted by the way her beautiful hip is shaped.

"I love you, Helena. So much." And it was true, but I was afraid of her. If I even breathed wrong she would be yelling. She reaches under the mattress and slowly pulls out a gleaming, silver knife.

My breath catches in my throat and my eyes widen in fear. She brings the knife to her mouth and licks it seductively. When she gets to the tip of it, she flicks her tongue quickly, cutting it. Her mouth starts to bleed heavily. She didn't even wince!

She points the knife towards me, gesturing for me to do the same thing.

I take the knife and did the same thing, keeping eye contact. Warm, bitter blood fills my mouth. She hooks her finger, indicating for me to come closer. She opens her bleeding mouth.

"Kiss me," she says but it sounds like, "keh meh."

I shove my sore tongue into her mouth. Our blood collides and it tastes funny.

"Uhhn," she moans. My tongue is throbbing with pain but I didn't stop.

"Oh yes." She pulls away from me. "Delicious." She takes the knife from me and traces my body with it. The blood that's already on it stains my skin. She kisses me again and bites my tongue. I moan in pain. She bites it again, harder this time.

Thank God she didn't see my reaction! The blood on my body is warm. She holds the tip of the knife on my thigh. With a sharp motion, more blood oozes out. She had slashed my thigh. She moves down and licks the gash. I never knew she had a fetish for blood. Then she takes the knife and cuts her ankle.

"Lick it," she commands. I do as I'm told. Our blood swirls together and stains our sheets. For some reason her blood tastes sweet. I start to suck her ankle.

She giggles and squeezes my ass. "Wonderful," she mutters. She pats the space beside her.

I crawl up and cuddle beneath her chin. She kisses my head and falls asleep, her fingers so close to my crotch.

I stare at the wall in the darkness. We had sex all day. From the morning to the very late night. Our blood dances with each other. It goes from our mouths, to the cuts of our bodies, then settled in the sheets. I am afraid of her reaction to the stains on us and the bed in the morning. I decide to dream about her breasts and shortly I fall asleep.


	3. Silver Eyes

Silver Eyes

I open the door and step into the room. Getting home from work is relaxing and exhausting all in itself. Helena isn't home yet.  
I make my way to the mirror in the foyer and pull up my shirt. Bruises. Cuts. Red welts. This is what I live through everyday.  
I gently touch a bruise that has formed on my ribcage. I wince as I press harder.  
"I love you," she had whispered in my ear a couple nights before and this morning before we departed for work. She had said it but the marks all over my body surely says otherwise.  
I sigh and pull my shirt down. I examine myself in the mirror. I have naturally brunette hair that I dyed blue, excuse me, electric blue according to Helena, and blood red. It falls down to my belly button where I have a skull pierced.  
I never really liked my appearance. My eyes are to big and my bottom lip is plump. Oh well.  
I decide to start dinner. Helena would be waiting for it and I'm hungry anyway. We are both vegetarian (it's a most-lesbian thing), so I grab some tofu from the fridge and toss it in a frying pan. Then I add fresh vegetables and some teriyaki sauce to finish it off. This is Helena's favorite.  
I make our plates and wait. I can never eat until she's home and sitting at the table with me. I learned that one night when I started eating. She came home, screamed, knocked the plates off the table and slapped me. She said it was extremely rude and selfish. So, ever since then, I wait.  
She is taking longer than usual, so I decide to do laundry. I separate her sultry thongs and bras from my ordinary bras and panties, occasionally men's boxers. We are so different Helena and I. She's more into sex than I am. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE SEX, but it gets tiring everyday of the week. She's more into it but, hey, opposites attract right?  
After being an hour and a half late, Helena opens the door. "Cassie?" I hear her take off her shoes and coat.  
"Honey, I'm up here," I call from the laundry room. I rise, dropping the clothes that were in my lap and flee to the kitchen. I ran into her, embracing her in my arms.  
"Whoa, where's the fire?" she asks, gently kissing my lips.  
"I missed you," I say, smiling at her.  
"Aww, I've missed you too baby." She licks my parted mouth and goes to sit at the table. I join her. We eat slowly.  
"How was your day?" I ask, chewing on eggplant.  
She sighs and rolls her eyes. "A total drag. How about you?"  
"Very slow," I agree. I eye her cleavage. Her swollen, round breasts and wide, delicious hips have always been my weakness. She notices my glaring.  
"Oh, you like that?" she asks, pointing to her shirt. She unbuttons it even more, smiles and proceeds with eating her dinner. I love when she dresses provocatively. There are no other lesbians at her job so I have nothing to worry about. I trust her.  
"Helena I really did miss you," I say in a fake monotone.  
She giggles and kicks me under the table.  
"Ooh, that hurt so good!" I throw a carrot at her.  
"Bitch!" She takes her fork, places tofu on it and shoots it toward me. I duck and it hits the fridge.  
I get up and open it, pulling out a can of whipped cream.  
Helena widens her eyes in mock horror. She holds her fingers out in front of her like a cross. "No please! Spare me!" she cries. She screams as I spray the cream directly on her face. It got in her eyebrows, up her nose, around her eyes and in her mouth. She tries to speak but her mouth is full.  
"Aahhh!" I scream when she lunges at me. I wrestle her to the floor. I see her cheeks go up as she laughs, her hair surrounding the floor beneath us. I'm on top of her and she's grabbing at my wrists, trying to fight me off. These are one if her good days I can see.  
She then lets go of my wrists, reaches behind me and pinches my ass. Then she slams her knee against it. I spray her some more and laugh. Rolling off of her, I lay on the ground next to the table. I lick some whipped cream off my thumb.  
She sighs. "I hate you."  
"I love you too." I smile. She playfully slaps my thigh.  
"Come here," she whispers, turning to look me in the eye. She kisses my lips. Her tongue does a tango with mine. Our tongue piercings that we got together a few weeks ago clack against each other.  
I grab the whipped cream and press hard on the nozzle. It fills both of our hot mouths. We swirl the cream all around.  
Helena gets on her knees and undoes the final buttons of her shirt then throwing it in my face. I study her full, amazing breasts. I just can't resist, I reach out and squeeze.  
She bites her bottom lip and lets her head roll back to the ceiling.  
I place three fingers in the front of her sexy bra and pull, kissing her collarbone. It snaps off and falls on the top of our knees. I pinch a nipple. She digs her nails into my thigh.  
When she lowers her head to look at me, I see the weirdest thing! Her eyes...they are silver! I swear they are! I look into them. Every time I lean in, the harder I pinch her tits without meaning to. She moans, her eyes shut.  
When they reopen they are back to their original color. Grass green. Our foreheads are touching, that's how close I got to her face. She nibbles on my nose. She takes over my face with her tongue. She yanks my top over my head and accidentally hits a bruise.  
"Ow," I murmur.  
As if seeing them for the first time, Helena gasps. " Who the fuck did this to you?!" she asks, gingerly touching the purple, black and blue skin. The one on my ribcage, the biggest one, scares her the most.  
"I fell remember?" I lie, wrapping my arms around myself.  
"But how did it-"  
"Kiss me," I interrupt. I throw myself on top of her. I force my tongue into her mouth.  
"Cassie," she tries to say, but I won't let her bring out a sound. Our tongues circle around and around. Our piercings clicking and the sloppy, wet kisses are the only sound. Everything else is dead silent. Helena soon lets go of the topic of my bruises and gives in to the love.  
She snaps off my bra and marvels at my chest. She bites. I moan. We roll and fall over the step that leads to the living room. She was on top of me.  
"Lets take care of these pants," she purrs. She quickly unbuttons them throws them aside. They hit a nearby lamp. The lamp falls over and crashes with a deafening sound. She then grabs a blanket and sets it over us. Her fingers move swiftly as she takes off my boxers. "You really need to start wearing panties and thongs. It would be such eye candy for me."  
I sigh. She always gets on me for this stuff. She then suddenly gets up and goes into the kitchen. When she returns, she's holding a cucumber.  
"Ready?" she asks.  
I barely nod as she shoves it in me.  
"Oooh!" I say. The ice cold thing was like having ice cream on the hottest summer day. "Deeper."  
"Sure baby," she says cheerfully. She pushes. My breasts rise and fall as I start to breathe quicker and heavier.  
Helena is rushing the cucumber in and out. She leans forward and kisses my breasts. Then she bites hard in my stomach. She plays with the skull in my navel with her tongue. The cucumber goes in even deeper. I wince slightly as she hit something. She notices and looks angry.  
"What?!" She yells at me.  
"I hit my arm on something," I lie, my heart about to explode out of my body and hit the wall.  
Helena pulls out the cum-soaked cucumber. "Is this," she points to it, "not good enough for you?" She sucks on the vegetable, digesting my juices. It's all over the carpet, I notice.  
"It's amazing for me," I say, trying to remain under control. She leans forward, crawling up to me. As she does, her beautiful- God they're beautiful- breasts come closer. I resist the urge to reach out and squeeze.  
When she's up in my face, she shoves the vegetable down my throat. Our naked bodies rub as I frantically try to get that damn thing out of my esophagus. She is choking me. This isn't something new. I once said something wrong to her and she took off her bra and strangled me with it.  
"You are so ungrateful!" She screams directly in my face. I start coughing uncontrollably as the cucumber goes further down. I feel her squeeze my nipples.  
"Stop!" she suddenly cries. "Cassie say you'll stop and I will take it out of your mouth."  
I hold up my hand to indicate that I want her to stop.  
"What? That's not a word." Her eyes flicker with impatience.  
I scream. My throat burns intensely. I just made it worse by shrieking.  
"Good girl." Helena pats my head. "You were actually turning blue." She cackles with laughter and pulls out the evil vegetable. I gasp for air, itching at my throat.  
It seems as if hours have gone by when I finally catch my breath but it's only three minutes.  
"You need to learn some respect," she hisses. Then she licks my clit.  
I know. She's crazy. Literally crazy. She suffers from severe bi polar disorder. But it's not her fault. She never takes her meds. I love her to death. She loves me. . .until she murders me one day.  
"You'll be fine," Helena says, scattering my thoughts. She takes my hand in hers. She kisses me and her lips are so soft. I run my pointer finger up her back and feel as she gets chills.  
"Lets play that game again," she says, piping up. I am confused. She sees this and rolls her eyes. "The knife. Lets play." She struts to the kitchen, switching her hips as she walks.  
A huge, huge cutting knife arrives. She pounces on me and holds it at my throat. She slides it all the way down to my opening. The tip is pointed toward my inside. She slides it closer like she's actually going to get me off with it.  
"Tell me you want it," she whispers.  
"What?" I stammer.  
"Tell. Me. You. Want. It." Her voice becomes tense.  
"I w-want it."  
"Good," she says, then cuts my arm. Then she cut her stomach. Blood oozes out of us. "Yes," she mutters. She licks the red liquid seductively. It actually turns me on the way she does.  
Her fingers linger over my skull piercing like she was going to rip it out. She shrugs her shoulders and deep throats me with her tongue. She put fingers from one hand inside me and the fingers from the other hand inside herself. They move at the same speed, going quickly and easily. We both moan.  
She rolls off of me suddenly and stares at the ceiling, breathing heavily.  
"You know," she says thoughtfully, "I love you. To death." She took the knife and sliced a long, long line from my thigh down to my ankle. I screamed bloody murder while she laughed.


	4. Checkers

Checkers

"You're gonna lose," Helena chuckles. I passed out from loss of blood that night when she cut me from my thigh to my ankle. I screamed uncontrollably for a half hour. Helena laughed for the longest time. Our blood stained everything: the family room, the tile on the kitchen floor, the stairs. Our bed looks like someone was brutally murdered. I bled the most of course. I have a really deep gash going all the way down my leg. If she had cut any deeper, my none would be exposed.  
"I don't think so," I chirp. "I won last time remember?"  
"Yeah? Well not this time." She moves her piece thoughtfully. Her red piece jumps my black one and lands triumphantly on the next square. She cheers. "Oh yeeeeaaaah!"  
"Ha-ha, except no! Beat this." I jump her piece and land at the back of her side. "King me, bitch."  
Helena sighs and adds a piece on mine. I take a sip of wine. We've been playing for hours now. We've had seven games: I won three, she won four.  
She grabs the bottle of wine from the floor and takes a swig of it. She hands it over to me. I drink from it even though my glass is already full. I'm afraid that she'll get drunk. You think she's violent now, when she's drunk, hell breaks loose.  
"Shit. I have nowhere to-," she trails off, thinking. Her hand is poised over top of the board.  
"My hair is turning gray here," I say.  
"Shut up." She finally sets the piece down, obviously stumped.  
I have to admit this: I have wandering eyes. I can never keep them focused on Helena's face even though it's gorgeous. My eyes always dance frantically down to her marvelous cleavage or up her skirt.  
Sometimes, if I'm lucky, she doesn't wear underwear. Some days she leaves the house pantiless.  
"Hmm," I say, gaping at her chest. I reach across the table and pull at her shirt. The buttons come undone and her vest sinks slowly off of her shoulders. I grab her bra in my fist and yank back with a force. It pops off and rests in my hand.  
"Quite satisfied?" Helena asks, scratching her breast, turning the skin red with each harsh stroke.  
"Definitely." I lean back in my chair, half looking at the checker board, half looking at her full breasts. I pick up a piece and make my move.  
Helena laughs, takes her piece and jumps mine. She smirks, sits back in her chair and takes another gulp from the bottle. Her eyes twinkle in my direction. "You're so beautiful," she says. She hasn't taken her eyes off me.  
"You're prettier. . .sexier than I am." I snort. "Believe me."  
Helena takes a deep breath and lets it out. "Once again, Cassie. How many times do I have to tell you? You are magnificently gorgeous." She points at her chest. "Dude, we're the same size for fuck's sake. I don't know why you stare at mine so much."  
"So you want me to perv out on my own boobs? No. Yours are so fucking perfect! I just wanna-". I stop mid sentence, lean across the table and bite her nipple. She moans then laughs.  
"They're that perfect?"  
I nodded.  
"Well can we finish the game?" She bites my neck and goes back to studying the board. With each move she makes, her breasts bounce. Kind of like they are tempting me to squeeze them. Her areolas are so circular and delicious. I want to pinch them. Her flawless skin shines and falls like a silky, elegant blanket over her rattled bones. I lick my lips and force myself to look away.  
"Your turn," she says.  
"I'm winning," I remind her, bringing my attention to the old beaten up board and its scattered pieces. "Just thought you should know that." I jump one of her pieces. She only has one left. "Eat it."  
"Oh go to hell," she groans, rolling her eyes. Her space is tightly limited. If she went left, I could easily jump her. Same thing for every other direction. She sighs and moves right.  
"Haha! In your pretty little face!" I shout. She takes a very long pause to down some more wine. My elbow hits a piece on the floor. I bend over the side to pick it up and as I do, I glance up her skirt. It's my lucky day. No panties. I stare for a while like a pervert. Like a fifty year old man staring at a sixteen year old.  
I return to my sitting position, straightening up a bit. My lips are dry as I move my mouth to speak. "The game is finished now." I raise my eyebrows.  
Helena shakes her head, smiles and says, "Hell yeah it is." She literally lunges across the table before us and tackles me out of my chair. She's always loved it rough.  
While we are in the floor, we undo each others clothes. She rests her body on top of mine. Leaning forward, she deliberately puts her breasts in my face.  
I bite the tits and trace her areolas with my tongue.  
"Mmm, yes," she whimpers. She starts to finger me now. Is it three or four fingers? I'm not sure but it sends sensations through my body like electric shocks.  
"Wanna try vegetables again?" she suddenly asks through her sexy gasps. My eyes widen in horror but she doesn't see because her boobs are still completely covering my face. "Or knives?"  
"Um." I sit myself upright. Her chest sinks away from my face , now I can't look into her eyes. "How about a vibrator? Last time. . .I was kinda choked with a cucumber," I point to my throat, "and a couple nights ago, I was cut with a knife." I push her thigh out of the way. It was covering the gash. I point to it.  
Helena gasped and covered her mouth with her hands. Her eyes fill with tears. "Cassie. . ." Her voice is quiet. She takes her fingers out of me and gently traces the laceration. "How the fuck. . .? Who?" She is baffled. She lifts her eyes up to mine. "Who did this?!"  
I look away. I study anything: the fridge, the table, the ancient checker board, the floor, a hole in the wall from Helena punching it. I look at anything except for her. I take a deep breath and speak. "You did." My voice is so inaudible and high pitched. My throat burns. It's too dry. Everything starts to spin. The colors collide with each other like when a toddler draws. My blood pulses in my ears. I am deathly afraid of her reaction. I keep my eyes on the tile. I feel a tear, her tear, drop on my leg.  
"What?" she whispers.  
I point at her, my eyes desperately avoiding hers. "You did this." My tears splash against the hard, cool tile.  
"I did this? No I didn't." She doesn't say it like she's angry, more like in complete disbelief and sadness.  
I suddenly grow angry and hurt. "Yes Helena! You fucking did this to me! The bruises," I point to my ribs and legs, "these cuts! The blood that's on our sheets and the blood that was in the kitchen, that was mine! Mine Helena, and you did it! I'm sick of being your fucking rag doll. Your punching bag. But do you know why I stick around? Because I love you!" I pound the floor with my fist. I can't stop the words. They're rushing out of my like a current. These are words I've held in for four years. "You were so loving the first few months! Then you used me as your personal punching bag! And you know what? I'm hurting. Emotionally and definitely physically! But I love you. Then I hate you. You're a bitch! You could've killed me by now. So why didn't you? Do it now. Put us both out if our sick misery." I cover my mouth as soon as I said that. She can't help it. She has a problem. Bi polar disorder is something very hard to deal with I bet. "I'm sorry." We are both sobbing. Her breath keeps getting caught in her throat.  
"I didn't know!" she wails. Her eyes are red and puffy.  
I take a deep breath. "So do it."  
She tilts her head in confusion, tears racing down her rosy cheeks. "What?"  
I pull a cutting knife out of the silverware drawer. "Put us out of our misery." I point the knife in her direction, waiting for her to take it. "You know you wanna go to hell with me."  
She swallows hard. "I can't."  
I scream. I'm pissed off. "So you hurt me when I don't want it, but when I do you refuse?!" I kick her off of me and walk to the sink. I throw the knife down into the floor. It sticks in the tile. I feel my shoulders shake as I cry.  
Helena gets up and rubs my back. She rests her head on my shoulder and cries.  
"Get off!" I shriek. I push her away from me and I fall to my knees. The knife is right in front of me. I reach for it.  
"Honey, I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I had no idea!" Helena sniffs then coughs, choking on her sobs. She reaches down to stroke me.  
I grab the knife and spin to face her. "Stay away," I say deeply. I hold the piece of metal out in front of me. "Now take it or I will do damage that you've never seen before in your shitty life."  
She is reluctant as she takes the knife gently. "Lets be reasonable," she tries. "Lets talk. Please, Cassie, please!"  
I tilt my head back and point to my throat. "Cut."  
Helena shakes her head and wails even harder. "I can't! Cassie I love you! Please don't make me do this."  
I scream until my throat and lungs burn. Then I take the knife and stab her in the stomach.  
I can't look at her face. So I stare at her beautiful breasts.  
She lets out a pained screech and sinks to the floor, hands clutching her stomach.  
I tear her hands away as I stab her repeatedly, crying hysterically. Blood covers my hands and the tile. It smells and feels so good. I stab her throat. I slash her cheek. Helena Martha Grovac is dead. I killed my one true love.  
"I open my lungs dear," I begin to sing through my cries to my dead girlfriend. "I sing this song at funerals no rush. These lyrics heard a thousand times, just plush. A baby boy you held so tightly. This pain, it visits almost nightly. Missing hotel beds I feel your touch.  
"I will wait, dear. A patience of eternity. My crush. A universal still, no rust. No dust will ever grow on this frame. One million years and I will say your name. I love you more than I can ever scream."  
After wailing the words to this song, I take the knife and slash both of my wrists. My eyes sting as they fill with tears. The blood buckets out of my wrists.  
I kiss Helena for the last time and slowly, weakly stick my three fingers in her. I become very weak. Her vaginal walls are still warm.  
I laugh and then take my last breath. Good riddance.


	5. Deadly Dreams

Deadly Dreams

I scream. Sweat dripping from my hair and face. "Jesus!"  
Helena stirs. "What, Cassie?" Sleep is evident in her voice.  
"Fuck," I breathe, pressing a hand to my chest. That dream was so real. All of the blood. . .God, the blood was everywhere. Multiple wounds were on Helena's naked body. She lay on her side, blood seeping from the gaping holes. My wrists were mangled. I died with my bloodstained fingers in her pussy.  
"What's the matter?" Helena asked, rubbing my shoulders.  
"Put us both out of our misery." That's what I said in my dream. Those words swam around in different parts of my brain.  
"Bad dream. . .that's all." I lean into her shoulder and start to cry.  
"What's wrong? Tell me. Shh, shh, it's okay. What happened?" Helena takes my face in her hands and lifts. She searches my watery eyes.  
"Dead people," I murmur. "Killers. Blood."  
"What the hell? Who died?"  
I swallow hard. I start to tremble violently. "I was the murderer. I. . .killed you. Then I committed suicide." The last two words comes out as a whisper.  
I hear Helena's voice crack a she speaks. "I'll go get you some water. Lay down baby, alright? When I get back, tell me everything." She pushes herself out of bed and goes downstairs into the kitchen. I listen to the refrigerator hum as she gets water from it. I hear the clinking of the ice as it hits the glass. I can almost feel the bubbles the ice makes as it moves.  
It is dark. I look over at the digital clock on my nightstand. The blue numbers shine in my eyes. Two forty-five a.m. Not a single light in our neighborhood is on.  
"Here honey. Please drink this." She hands me the glass. The feel of the condensation and the coolness if the ice against my warm, sweaty palms calms me but only a little. I sip my water and set it down on my nightstand.  
I keep my gaze out the window. "Nothing happened." I play with my fingers and nervously scratch my breast. We never go to bed with clothes on unless we are on our periods.  
"Oh really?" Helena asks. "Why'd you scream?" She folds her hands and drops them in her lap, obviously determined.  
I watch as the condensation slides down the glass and into the mahogany. "I took a knife and killed us both. I stabbed you repeatedly and I slashed my wrists."  
Helena licks her dry lips. "Why?"  
I shake my head. The way she reacted in the dream when I told her she hits me could be completely different from how she may react for real. I don't want her to get bent out of shape about it. She never remembers her abuse toward me anyway.  
"Why?" She asks, more stern.  
"Just leave it alone, Helena. It was a nightmare. It's not real." I rub her thigh.  
She sighs. " I can never win can I?"  
"I guess not. Now come here. I want to be comforted." I place my exposed body in her arms. I kiss her neck. My body parts don't seem attached to each other. They feel like they're floating in different directions. "I want you. I love you." I whisper.  
Helena moans as I bite her nipple. "I love you too, Cassie." She pulls my hair and makes her mouth level with my ear. Her hair covers her eyes. "Fuck me like you've never fucked me before," she said. Her breath caresses my ear.  
I jump on top of her. I thrust my hips at the same timing and speed. I hold her shoulders down. Our clits are smooth against each other. I hold her arms over her head and I interlace her fingers.  
Shoving my tongue down her throat, I hump her amazing body, keeping my focus on her bouncing breasts.  
"You're amazing," I say.  
"You're a miracle. My little energizer bunny." She leans forward a bit and licks my neck.  
I giggle. I let go of one if her hands and place two fingers in her already dripping cunt. "You know," I whisper, "I'm obsessed with your tits."  
Helena chuckles. "I know. Yours aren't bad either."  
I snort. "That bad? What do you mean exactly." I hit her g-spot and she arches her back, her breath hitches.  
"Mmm. Well, they're very perky. I love how they're in my face." She slowly traces my shaping with her tongue. It feels so good.  
I stop thrusting and stare at her. "I have a present for you," I coo. I stroke her hair and reach under the pillow, pulling out a dildo.  
Helena gasps and grabs it, turning it over and over in her dainty hands. "No wonder why the pillow was so lumpy." She squeals with delight. "Thank God it's double sided. Well what the hell are we waiting for? Put it on!" She gets on her knees and straps it around me. "Now we can have even more fun!"  
I nod. "Now shut up and lay down." The feel of the thing pressing up against my wall is amazing.  
I've never had sex with a guy. And the only guys I like are gay. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of straight guy friends but they're just not my cup if tea whatsoever.  
I slowly put the other side of the phallus in my girlfriend's waiting, wet cunt.  
"Yes!" she moans.  
"You like that?" I ask. I push my hips four times faster then the speed my fingers were going. My breath quickens. I briefly look out the window to see if any lights are on. It's pitch black. We haven't woken anyone up yet.  
Helena sinks deeper into the pillow. "Oh my God! Ahh, you are amazing." She bites her bottom lip. "Oooh!"  
I moan. This feels wonderful!  
Helena grabs my hips and pulls into her. "Deeper! Go deeper." She forces my hips to slam on top of hers. "Yes! Oh god!" She explodes. I take off the dildo and immediately start eating her. She's so sweet like candy!  
"Shit!" she screams as I bite her clit. She pushes me over and sits on top if me. She bites at my nipples hard. My breath catches in my throat as she rubs my clit with two fingers.  
"Oh my God!" I scream. "Yes, yes, yes!" I spread my legs wider.  
"Oh yeah. Open wide." Helena smiles. "The wider you are, the wetter you get." She picks a vibrator off of the floor, turns it on and violently shoves in it me.  
"Mmm," I say, "harder." I smile as she goes in deeper. As time ticks by slowly, I finally cum all over her hands.  
"Fuck, Cas!" Helena says after sucking me off. "You take the longest time to cum."  
I shrug. Then, out of nowhere, the image of Helena's bleeding, lifeless body flashes across my brain cells. I gasp silently. Then I see the knife soaked and dripping with the red liquid.  
"No," I whisper. My fingers lodged in her pretty pussy. . .my wrists mangled. The wounds all around her shapely body. The lines in the tile are filled with blood. "No!" I get up from the bed and run into the kitchen.  
"Cassie?" Helena runs after me.  
"No!" I start opening drawers and throwing knives out onto the floor. "No!"  
"What the fuck is your problem?!" Helena comes up behind me, trying to stop the flying blades. "Stop. Cassie, stop. Cassie, stop! Please!"  
"I don't want you to die! I don't want you to die!" I scream in her face.  
Her face shows it all. "Honey. . .what are you talking about?"  
My tears blur my vision. "I don't want you to fucking die." It comes out in a choked whisper. I sink to my knees and bury my face in my hands.  
Helena sits on her heels next to me and takes me in her arms. "What is the matter? What's wrong with you?" Her face has twisted into a look of concern.  
I shake my head. "I killed you."  
Helena closes her eyes and shakes her head in confusion. "What?"  
I point to the knives scattered on the floor. "I stabbed you repeatedly. Then I committed suicide. There was blood everywhere! Helena your blood was splattered across my face and hands! I stabbed you everywhere except for near your ankles. I slashed your cheek, stabbed your stomach. I even cut your fucking clit!" I take a deep breath. I'm trembling at this point. "Then I cut my wrists," I held out my arms, "and put my fingers inside you. Before I killed myself. . .I sang to you. I died next to you. Our blood was everywhere Helena. Even on the goddamn walls!" I cover my mouth with my hand, trying to hold back the sobs. The horrific scene plays continuously in my mind.  
Helena, who was quiet during my sharing, takes a deep breath. "Why?"  
I look away. Helena sometimes forgets that she's bipolar. If I told her how she hits me, that would be even worse. She's tell at me and call me a liar. I don't want to start a fight.  
She shakes me gently. "Why did you kill me? There has to be a reason." She searches my eyes, then wipes an on-coming tear away from my face with her thumb.  
I shrug my shoulders. "I have no idea," I lie. I grimace as my voice cracks. "I just killed us. But I love you too much for that to ever happen. That's why it scared me." I cough and bury my face in Helena's breasts. Her nipple tickles my nose. I look down and see that her cum from earlier is coating her inner thighs. "There was blood everywhere," I whisper into her cleavage. "Everywhere."  
Helena strokes my back gently. "Well, thank God it was only a dream."  
"Nightmare," I correct her.  
She sighs. "Nightmare." She gets up and goes into the liquor cabinet. She pours two glasses of straight up vodka.  
She comes back to sit on me and hands me my glass. She leans and rests her head on my collarbone. "We're we fucking or. . .talking or what?"  
I try to remember. "We were playing checkers at first but then we started arguing over dumb shit and I got pissed and killed us."  
Helena catches the vodka on her tongue before it rolled off if her lips and dribbled down her chin. She sighs. "Cassie, have you been watching anything scary lately?"  
I feel relieved. She didn't catch my bluff. Well, maybe she did and she's deciding not to make a big deal out of it. "No. I don't think so," I reply.  
She pats my knee and leans deeper into me. She picks up a knife and studies it. "These things are beautiful aren't they?" She tilts her head back to look up at me. When she sees my terrified expression, she sets it back down. "I think it's best if you stay away from knives for a while, okay?"  
I nod and she kisses my breast. "You're right."  
"That's my girl." She rubs my arm and gives me one last fingering session before she gets up. She takes my hands and pulls me to my feet. "Lets go babe." She links her arm in mine and guides me up the steps. "I think we both need our rest." She tucks me into bed then goes on her side. "I love you, Cassie."  
"I love you, too." Helena falls asleep but I'm still wide awake staring at the ceiling.  
This is going to be a long night.


	6. Even Drunks Need Love

Even Drunks Need Love

"No! One more!" Helena tries to wrestle the bottle out of my hands.  
"Please stop, Helena!" She has drank two and a half bottles by herself within forty-five minutes. The fine champagne she had bought for us now settled in her stomach. All of it.  
"Why are you being so mean, Cassie? I only had two sips," she slurs. Her eyes are closing and she is wobbly on her legs. We are only down to our underwear today. Her bra strap is completely off her shoulder, her breast threatening to pop out.  
"I'm not being mean," I say softly. "You've had enough tonight okay?"  
Helena stomps her feet and crosses her arms. "No I didn't! Gimme! Give it back! I waaaaaant iiit!" she whines. She reaches out and stumbles forward, falling on her hands and knees. She starts to cry like a child who just fell off of a swing.  
"Shhh, honey. Please don't cry." I drop down next to her.  
"Shut up!" she screams and punches my jaw hard. The pain starts to throb but I know better than to cry.  
She's violent. She's drunk. She's so much more aggressive drunk than she is sober. "I'll kill you!" she shrieks. She gets up and kicks me in the stomach. I curl in a fetal position, grimacing in pain.  
"Helena stop!" I yell as she sways toward the bottle. I weakly get up and push her to the ground. I know I only have a couple seconds to dump the alcohol down the sink so I make a run for it. I grab the bottle.  
"Bitch!" Helena jumps up, runs over to me and slaps me. I keep a tight hold on the bottle. "How dare you," she slurs but it sounds like, "haaaah dehhh yuuuuhhh?" She reaches for the bottle in my hands but I push past her and sprint to the sink. Turning the bottle upside down, I watch as it's red contents swirl slowly down the drain. But I know it's not over. It's only beginning.  
I turn to face her. "Helena-"  
She screams with rage. She punches my collarbone. When I fall to my knees, she repeatedly kicks my back. "You are so mean!" Her words run together. "Why the hell would you do that?"  
I groan and wince as she keeps kicking the same spot, harder each time. You can actually hear her foot hitting my spine.  
"How," kick, "do," kick, "you," kick, "like", kick, kick, "this?!" She gives me the last one, hard enough that I fall forward. My face hits the cool kitchen time. She rolls my body onto its now damaged back. She sits on my stomach. She punches my jaw again and slaps the opposite side. She grabs a hold of my hair and grunts as she slams my head back down as hard as she can.  
She lifts up her hand and bends her fingers so that it looks like a claw. Then my neck becomes a target.  
"I wanted it!" she yells. She wraps her dainty fingers around my neck and squeezes. I start to gasp. But I don't try to pull her hands away, she'd only squeeze tighter.  
She digs her knee into my side. She giggles. "Hey Cas! You're turning blue!" She laughs. "What a pretty color." My air slips away. Then she suddenly lets go. I cough a million times and gasp for God knows how long.  
Helena gets up and places one foot on my stomach, then the other and starts jumping up and down. I feel like I'm going to throw up.  
She giggles. "Weee!" When she has finished using my stomach as a trampoline, she takes off her bra and swings it back and forth. "Oh, Cassie, what am I to do?" She lifts my head and starts wrapping the thing around my neck.  
"Don't," I try and whisper but nothing comes out. She grabs the cups and pulls. "No!" I try to scream but she's pulling tighter and tighter. Then I could breathe. The damned thing broke.  
"Dammit Cassie!" Helena shouts. "See what you did?!" She strikes my cheek and it stings.  
She takes off my bra and digs her nails into my breast, scratching hard. The skin doesn't break, miraculously, but it gets red and puffy. Same thing with my neck. Long, red, puffy lines covers these areas.  
Helena runs her fingers along the skull I have pierced in my belly button. She pinches it and pulls hard.  
I scream a blood curdling scream as it flies out. The fucking pain is intense. The blood drips down my black underwear.  
I scream again. Tears prick my eyes. "Shit! Motherfucking dammit!" I screech at the top of my lungs, doubling over, hands over top of my navel. "Fuck!"  
"What's wrong, Cassie?" Her words collide and crash with each other. "I though you wanted to play."  
I peek down at my belly button. The skin at the top is torn in two. I lay my head against the floor and cry.  
"It's okay," Helena speaks. "Maybe we'll play tomorrow." She kisses my trembling lips and licks at my tongue ring, making hers clash with mine. Then she falls asleep on my shoulder.  
I continue to cry, resting my hand on my torn navel. I don't remember what time I fall asleep but I do know that I cried for hours.


End file.
